My earliest memories of Christmas' past are of the Christmas trees we've had; the fresh pine smell, stringing popcorn and cranberries with my Mama for garland, all the hardened dough ornaments that Mama and I made (and after many years, them falling apart), the abundance of child-crafted ornaments that my sister and I made each year, and the countless hours we spent laying under the tree transfixed by the multi coloured lights. Even as I've grown up over the years, the tree has been that one real symbol where you knew that the Christmas season had begun when the tree went up. As a teenager it was a special day I spent with my Mama helping her add a thousand (or more) lights while listening to Christmas music. Decorating the tree was a process done over a couple days because her trees are just that involved. There were times when I would questions why she would put so many decorations on it, but her trees have always come out beautifully. They are like works of art.
As I've been writing this, I thought that the tree has been a tradition that I've never failed to miss, but I've just recalled a year when I didn't have a Christmas tree up. It was the first year Big Daddy and I lived together. I had only just moved in with him earlier in December, but him being a bachelor and who's family didn't make a big deal out of the holiday, he didn't have a tree or decorations. I don't recall if I was disappointed by that fact or not, but I've made sure we've had a tree every year since. There was even a year not too long ago when I made Big Daddy help me put the tree up in July. Of course there was no O running around and my furry babies didn't bother with it all that much.
I've been trying to put my finger on the reason the prospect of taking down the tree saddens me this year and not any of the others, but I'm not able to pin point a cause. This year is no different then the last 5 years at least. It's been mostly Big Daddy and I alone, without family and very few friends. My family are all in Canada and Big Daddy is from Ohio, so we're talking almost a couple thousand miles between us. We celebrate with our family from a distance as it's just too costly to travel to be with them this time of year, especially now that the critter has come along.
I wonder if maybe O is the reason that I'm having these feelings? Though this was his third Christmas, it was the first one that he actually had some comprehension of. His first Christmas, he was only 2 months old, a year old his second Christmas and now 2 years old his third. He understood a little about Santa and presents, but the big thrill for him has certainly been the lights. In the weeks past, the first thing he wanted to do in the mornings after he woke up, was to turn the tree lights on. Like his Mama, O could spend hours sitting in an otherwise dark room, staring at the luminous glow of the tree lights. So I don't know if it's because I see myself in him, or the fact that I'm passing on my family traditions to O, but I hope that he will look back when he has his own family and remember these special occasions with his Mama.
Dein Kleid will mich was lehren:
Die Hoffnung und Beständigkeit
Gibt Trost und Kraft
zu jeder Zeit.
O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum!
Das soll dein Kleid
mich lehren.
No comments:
Post a Comment